Into the 4th Quarter

I'm now just about 31 weeks and it's really starting to hit me that this baby is going to be here before I know it! The doctor asked me the other day if we're ready and I had to turn to Seth for assurance. I didn't know how to answer because we don't have much of what we'll need (first shower is July 14 in Minnesota), the crib isn't even set up yet, and I'm not sure exactly what ready is supposed to feel like. But am I ready for her to be here instead of in my stomach? Well...yes! 

It has been exciting to really feel Baby P move around and this past week, I was even able to feel a case of the hiccups. She now isn't just giving me jabs here and there, but Seth and I can watch her as she moves across my belly and we can can feel when she sticks her butt and feet out (or what we think are her butt and feet). Pregnancy is just crazy!

Last week I finally saw the speech therapist for the first time. I am the first case my therapist has had in which nighttime triggers VCD. Typically VCD is exercise induced, so breathing and relaxation exercises were all she could really leave me with (as expected), in addition to the suggestion that VCD may actually be triggered by acid reflux, and that is what is causing nighttime breathlessness. So now I'm taking medication for acid reflux in case that's what is happening. I think it's a mystery that may never solved, but I am confident that this is pregnancy related and won't continue postpartum. Thankfully nights of little sleep from difficulty breathing are basically under control. My new challenge is getting comfortable and waking up each time I want to roll over. But I'll gladly take this common pregnancy bother over breathless awakedness - it only takes a few seconds to fall right back asleep.

Some other updates...

Recent Cravings: Watermelon, Caribou Coffee Decalf Vanilla Cooler, kettle chips, brie and sandwiches

Weight Gain: 23 pounds

Baby's Facing: Down (but still plenty of time to be doing some flips)

Belly Button: Still an innie! And thankfully no stretch marks and only the faintest of faint linea nigra.

Exercise: Mostly the elliptical, some weights and jumping in on Seth's P90X and  Insanity workouts (completely modified). You would think Seth should put on some sympathy weight! Instead, he's sees this time as an opportunity to get in shape while he can. 

Annoyances: The heat! 100 degree weather, come on! Painful calf cramps at night and getting emotional out of nowhere 

Name: Still undecided (my number one is Seth's number two and vise versa)

Lately

I realize that is has been a few weeks since I have written, mostly because there isn't much to update. I still haven't had my first appointment with a speech therapist since I'm still waiting for a referral to go through from my primary doctor. Thankfully in this time, however, I was able to enjoy six straight nights of awesome sleep while vacationing in South Carolina with the Pietrini family. I was hopeful that this was signifying the end of my battle, but by my second night back in Palatine, I am back to struggling nights. I guess I can only conclude that vacation is my cure.

As for the little babe, she continues to remind me of her presence. While slowing movement for a short period of time last week, she has amped her kicks and flips up these past few days. The Little Pea is also taking up more residency. As a result I find that I get full quickly; a bit of a bummer (although probably for the best) when trying to enjoy as much good southern food as possible on vacation.

Here are some pics from the trip.

The Kids

The Parents

Sweet gift from Uncle Gene & Aunt Blair

Our Happy Place

Paddle Boarding in My Third Trimester

The Fam, Sans Chris

Sweet South Carolina

In the last few weeks I have also been working on a little piece for the baby's (or lack there of) room. I am part of a monthly Pinterest-inspired party group with my coworkers and this month's project was painting on canvas. So, I settled on the following color scheme and got to work. 

Needs some touching up but just about the finished product. 

Diagnosis: I Need to See a Speech Therapist

The last several weeks have been tough and each night is a battle. A pattern has developed - I find myself up for the first time in the night just an hour after initially falling asleep. Depending on the extent of my breathlessness, I would be up for anywhere from a few minutes to three hours, often multiple times a night, taking walks outside (yes, Seth would get up with me), watching TV, reading, getting fresh air outside on the balcony, etc.  For whatever reason, the morning hours get better and I can typically sleep from 4 AM on with no disturbance.

This past week, a referral to a lung specialist went through from my OB and I made my appointment immediately. At the first visit, the doctor expressed concern as it is not normal for someone pregnant or with anxiety to actually wake themselves out of sleep. So he ordered me to get an echocardiogram (basically an ultrasound of my heart) and various tests on my blood to check if this was an issue with my thyroid or a case of anemia. While I prayed nothing was serious, I also prayed the doctor would find something so I would have a chance at a remedy.

The tests all came back normal, and the doctor was somewhat dumbfounded. Before completely dismissing me from my follow-up appointment, the doctor had a breathing test done (normal) and ordered an endoscopy. (They stuck a camara down my nose! Ugh.) Immediately during the endoscopy the doctor detected the problem: Vocal Cord Dysfunction. What? 

Vocal Cord Dysfunction, often misdiagnosed as asthma, basically causes airflow obstruction, partially or fully closing the vocal cords and resulting in shortness of breath. Treatment: see a speech therapist. No, I won't need to learn how to correctly pronounce my r's; I'll learn breathing exercises and techniques to eliminate abnormal vocal cord movement to increase airflow.

In an answer to prayer, it's definitely something, but not serious. I hope to get into therapy soon, as simply knowing the diagnosis and practicing some exercises I learned on the Internet have not eliminated my sleepless nights.

My wonder through all of this has been what the Lord's purposes are. I definitely have learned (well, actually already knew), that I have the best husband in the world. Seth has been up for hours in the night, sacrificing his own sleep and being the support I need. He told me: "You are not just going through this, we are." As we approach our fourth anniversary on June 7, I am thankful I married a man who takes his vows seriously.

I have prayed like I never have before in these last weeks, often wondering how long this will continue. Because some nights, I feel like I just can't go on (nearly every night) like this. I'm only 26 weeks, and I don't know if delivery, or my new found hope for therapy relief, will cure me.

But in the end, if this is a result of pregnancy, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know I am so blessed to be pregnant and now more than ever, I can't wait to meet our baby girl.

Panic

It hit me at 1:00 AM on Sunday morning. Mother's Day. I woke up to nothing in particular, but one thing was certain, I felt like I couldn't fully breath. Like each breath didn't nearly satisfy. And I began to panic.

Before I let myself get too worked up I made my way to the bathroom. That's typically what I do when I wake up in the middle of the night, although this time it wasn't the reason. But I felt suffocated by the darkness; the dizziness the light caused when I turned it on made it no better. By the time I was back to the bedroom I was in tears. And pacing. And woke up Seth in the meantime.

"Do we need to go to the emergency room?" I didn't know what else to do so I mindlessly began putting on my  clothes. I knew this wasn't about to go away anytime soon. What good was it to sit around, or pace around, while I waited it out or should there actually be something seriously the matter. 

We rushed upstairs and I opened the door to my parents bedroom. (We were in Minnesota that weekend celebrating my niece's first birthday.) "What's the matter!" exclaimed by dad. I had never seen him wake up and jump out of bed so panicked. My mom met us outside their room and all agreed I should be taken to the hospital. "Does everything seem okay with the baby?" my mom asked. The baby. The baby! Everything below the lungs felt fine, although I hadn't felt her since I woke up.

Seth pulled up directions to North Memorial Hospital, my birth place, on his iPad. My dad said a quick prayer over us and we dashed out the door. Few words were exchanged in the car except those I used to try to explain what was going on. I was thankful to have Seth. My protector. And while I sensed his deep concern, he knew what needed to be done and rolled though several stop signs and a red light or two to do so.

There was no waiting when I arrived. The pregnant nurse behind the counter immediately brought me to the adjacent room where she took my blood pressure and fashioned me with identification bracelets. In the patient room, the ER doctor, husband to an OB, and nurse number two, also pregnant, began asking me questions about what was going on. Both were extremely sympathetic. I explained the shortness of breath and acknowledged my response may be nothing more than a panic attack/anxiety. Because when you feel like you can't breath, apprehension ensues. 

The doctor explained this may be exactly what it is. As my pregnancy progresses, additional pressure is put on my lungs. Couple that with pregnancy hormones and my reaction is not uncommon. While this was the likely scenario, the doctor ordered a CT scan of my chest in case this was being caused by a blood clot in the lung, which can be very serious.

So pregnant nurse number two prepped me with an IV so that a contrast solution could be injected for clearer imaging. (Nurse number two unknowingly blew the vein.) I was then wheeled into the scanning room where I was laid onto my back, hands over my head, and a protective sheet was placed around my torso to protect my belly. Already unhappy in this position, especially since I am not supposed to be on my back when pregnant and could feel the pressure on my uterus, the radiology nurse noticed the defective IV. This nurse was also unsuccessful in his first attempt and moved to a location on my wrist. Success at last. I did my best to try to hold myself together but I began to feel heated and my blood pressure was rising. To make matters worse, the nurse announced that he would be asking me to hold by breath for several seconds during the scan even though I still couldn't breathe well. 

The actual scan didn't take more than a few minutes. On my second pass through, the nurse told me to hold breath (I did the best I could) and at the same time I felt heat go through my body from the chest to bladder from the solution. The scan was over, but I lost it and nearly gave Seth a heart attack when I was wheeled back into the patient room where he had been waiting. He thought I had already heard some bad news, but I was able to explain the traumatic experience between sobs.

The results came in about 30 minutes. They were negative, as I had expected. The doctor offered to give me something to help calm me, however the medication was classed where neither he nor I felt comfortable with taking since it could be harmful to the baby. So with information about anxiety/panic attacks, I was discharged with the recommendation to follow up at this weeks' appointment with my OB.

Seth and I both were exhausted when we got home. I was presently surprised to be able to fall asleep, now nearly 4:00 AM. 

Sunday was a tough day. I never felt the same kind of shortness of breath that I had felt in the night, however I still felt very emotional and shaken from the night's events. It didn't help being at church for my niece's baby dedication followed by attempting to be social at lunch with relatives and the reading of Mother's Day cards.

I could only hope this was the last time I had such an experience. Unfortunately this is not the case. So if you're reading, I would more than appreciate your prayers. 

It’s a Girl!

The time has finally come that I can proclaim it from the rooftops: We’re having a girl! And we’re ecstatic.

After receiving the news during the second ultrasound of the day, I managed to ward off my tears as far as the hallway outside the doctor’s office. There, Seth and I stopped. Seth beamed with a smile as he held me together (literally) and I began to come to terms with reality that my fantasy for having an eldest son would not actually become a reality. But only shortly after on my solo ride home (Seth and I having driven directly from work) the Lord began a great work in me. I was reminded of the post I wrote on March 2. God doesn't give us what WE want; He gives us HE wants according to HIS purposes. And over the course of the next couple of days before the big gender reveal party, I am proud to say that I am going to be a mama to a daughter.

Gender Reveal #1

A long three days after finding out the gender, the big party hosted by the Pietrini parents finally came. I was so excited to have my sister come in for the event (and to help me register the following day). It's  been a long time since we've had time together just us "seesters."

While gender reveal parties are somewhat new to expectant mothers and their party throwers, and inspired by the single source of inspiration, namely Pinterest, Maria (a.k.a. grandma-to-be) nailed this one.

Team Pink and Team Blue were exactly even! 

Team Blue

Team Pink

To reveal the gender, I filled a decorated box with pink helium balloons.

Gender Reveal #2

My coworkers also wanted to have a (cupcake) gender reveal party of their own (particularly because it meant there would be cupcakes) so I told the cupcake master of the second floor the gender on that Monday afternoon, and on Tuesday morning arrived these:

My division and other friends throughout the building gathered around, standing to my left if they thought I was having a boy and to the right if they thought I was having a girl. Unlike the balance at Gender Reveal Party #1, the guess was about 15-3 in favor of a girl. And as you already know, the majority was right.

Gender Reveal #3

At this point, my parents were about the last to know the baby gender - the exceptions being the students in our youth group, and the full Facebook community. Seth and I arrived in Florida on a Friday, however my parents still wanted to wait until Saturday to share the experience with my sister Sarah, her husband Peter and baby Elora arriving that afternoon. Up to this point, I had successfully been able to conceal the news before the appropriate reveal (doing my best to call the baby, "the baby"), however I had one "she" slip of the tongue in the car from the airport with my parents. Apparently it went unnoticed.

Shortly after my sister's family arrived, we gathered in the living room equipped with a boy and girl balloon and German chocolate cake (both provided by my parents) and a small wrapped gift to reveal the gender to my parents. 

Watch and see the reveal.

Following the reveal, my dad shared a blessing from my parents, as well as one that Seth's parents sent along. This blessing follows the one given by the two dad's (and soon-to-be granddad's) at our wedding. The theme verse:

Seth and I are so blessed to be surrounded by friends and family that support us as we bring a new little joy into the world.

It's a...

Baby! Sorry, you'll just have to wait a bit longer to find out what "it" is. But I do promise you this, they baby is no "it." He/she is an absolutely perfect 10 oz baby with all fingers and toes. 

Seth and I had been anticipating April 17 for a long time, especially over the last two weeks and we had to remind ourselves that there was really no point in speculating what we thought "it" is. "Well it's not a bowl of spaghetti," Seth would say. 

My appointment was at 4:30 PM and never has the doctors office been so full of people. Of course they were running late, of all days. We didn't get into the ultrasound room until about 5:00 as the anticipation was mounting. Although gender was on the forefront of our minds, we were excited to see a formed baby for the first time and hear that the baby is doing well in his/her cocoon. Seth held onto my hand as I watched the monitor with tear filled eyes and cheeks.

The ultrasound tech did a bit of looking around, but before taking any extensive measurements, she went to take a peek at the goods since I'm sure she sensed our anxiousness. I was convinced that we wouldn't have any trouble since prior visits to the doctors office I was told I had a little active one. This time however, our little babe was content in a single position holding onto his/her feet and covering the goods (or lack there of) with those little hands. "We'll come back to it."

After a good 10 minutes of head, leg, kidney, spine measurements, and a check to see there was no cleft lip or an umbilical cord in the way, we got back to it. With no success.

Now is no time for games little one. Stop playing with your toes!

Thankfully the ultrasound tech was kind enough to suggest we take a look again after I meet with the doctor (and pop some sugar, drink cold water and do some jumping jacks).

Seth took me aside after using the drinking fountain to pray that the Lord would help this little one budge. He pleaded that we would walk away today knowing whether we would be having a little boy or little girl.
After nearly another hour of waiting for literally two minutes with the doctor, we waited another few minutes to get back into the ultrasound room around 6:20 (noting Seth had now needed to use the bathroom for the third time since leaving work). While the baby still had his/her hands blocking our view momentarily, it wasn't long before we were told "___'s a kicker!"

The gender and our reaction will be posted next weekend (April 28) following our gender reveal party this weekend with Seth's family and some friends, a cupcake reveal next week with my coworkers, and another mini reveal when we see my parents in Florida next weekend. Yes, I know. Way to jump on the trendy bandwagon.

Oh the Suspense

It's killing me. I'm ready to find out if this baby is a boy or girl and also ready for him/her to make his/her kicking debut (and stop having to use boy/girl, him/her, his/her)! Things have just been pretty quiet and non-eventful lately. Too quiet and non-eventful. I never experienced another hot flash, my baby belly is making its appearance rather slowly, and I'm still not craving anything too crazy...although I did just order a salad, sushi roll (cooked of course) and french fries for dinner the other night (they just all sounded good), and a Milky Way fun size continues to make it into my lunch each day.

Gender. Nearly three out of four people say girl. Not for any reason in particular but rather that they just look at me and see girl. I thought everyone would guess boy since "Pietrini's only have boys," but not so much. And I think they just about have me convinced. All I really have to go off of is what people say and any old wives tales I'm experiencing, which seem to point more toward girl. This mama really has no idea. No intuition. No gut feeling. No "I just know."

I don't have the faintest clue if this baby is a boy or girl. 

And my dream last night didn't give me any clarity. I went to get my ultrasound while Seth went somewhere else to get my ultrasound (not sure how that works, but hey, this is a dream). Mine showed that I am going to have a girl but Seth's showed I'm going to have a boy. 

Could this mean twins? Kidding.

I think about my baby constantly; more than I ever would have expected. But all I picture is a little body with a blurred face. I'm ready to picture pink or blue, dolls or trucks, cheerleading or football, coffee or video games.

Boys and girls are just so different. (Super insightful, huh?) So my thoughts are going to just be so different. And actually, I don't really know what they are going to be like once I know because I just can't really picture one or the other at this point.

Baby, what are you (you know what I mean)? Are you even in there? A jab or poke would be nice. I would also settle for a flutter.